And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
