I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
