my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
