I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
