apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
