Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
