She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
