I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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