Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
