So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My ass is underappreciated
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
