Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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