I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
