you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
