She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
