She went from zero to smokin in five shots
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
