No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
