Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
