so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
