This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
