no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
