Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
