Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
