Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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