is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
