Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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