I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
