that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
