dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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