Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
