Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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