college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
