Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
