My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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