I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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