I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We smell like vodka and hangover
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