You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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