farters have to be the big spoon...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
