you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
