you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
