Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
