moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
