YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
