i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
