doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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