I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
