she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
