gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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