Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
