I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
