The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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